So you’ve been un-ceremonially dumped by your now ex-girlfriend (applies to ex-boyfriends as well!). I feel you bro… been there many times myself. If you’re like most guys, it probably seemed to come out of left field. Everything seemed so good… until it wasn’t.
Don’t feel too bad. Feminine women in particular are emotional creatures and therefore do things that don’t make sense to hyper-logical men. Not passing judgement, just stating facts.
That said, I know this knowledge provides scant comfort for your oh-so tender, broken heart. I get it. So here are three things you can do to man up and pull yourself back together.
1.) do a relationship retrospective
Provided you’ve allowed yourself time to grieve and are thinking somewhat straight, the first thing to do post-breakup is to document what you’ve learned from the relationship. If you haven’t learned something about yourself and women in the course of a relationship, you are doing it wrong. I come away from each of my relationships with experiences and practices that I take to make my next relationships even better.
I write my retrospectives using a notepad app on my phone, but you can use pen and paper if you prefer. Make separate documents for each relationship, with each containing two parts.
what positive things did you learn?
First, document all the things you’ve learned during the course of the relationship that enriched your life. These could be practical things like meals or apps your ex-girlfriend introduced you to that are now a regular part of your life.
Better yet, these are specific things she did that you liked or turned you on. For example, I learned that it really turns me on when my girl hugs me from behind or tells me when I’m doing something she likes.
what could have been done better?
Second, document all of the mistakes you made during the relationship, so you can make a conscious effort to be a better man in your next relationship. Those who do not learn from the past are condemned to repeat it!
You can bitch and moan all you want about how your ex should’ve been more patient with you, but she doesn’t owe you shit. Women lose attraction if they feel like they have to mother their man, so don’t put her in that position. Become the best version of yourself. If that’s still not enough, then she isn’t good for you anyway.
2.) give up ALL hope of reconciliation
Face it, she’s just not that into you. She broke up with you, so she obviously doesn’t value you very much and isn’t scared of losing you. Why would you want to be with a person like this?
Holding out hope for a change of heart is recipe for needless suffering and mental anguish. You documented what you learned from that relationship, now it’s time to accept that it’s over and fully move on.
- Don’t pine for her
- Don’t beat yourself up
- Don’t social media stalk her!
Yes, there is a slight chance your ex will come crawling back, but this will only be more likely if she senses that you have moved on. You can’t fake this. You need to 100% give up all hope. See the quote below from The 48 Laws of Power, which I HIGHLY recommend checking out.
Law 36: “Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge.” – The 48 Laws of Power
Further, in the rare event that she comes back (don’t get your hopes up!), she will be more likely to stay if you have done the work from your retrospective and have therefore grown as a man. Otherwise, the reason the relationship ended before will likely bring on a repeat performance.
3.) cultivate an abundance of prospects
If you find yourself obsessively stewing over this one girl, it’s likely because you don’t have enough options. There are likely THOUSANDS of attractive women in your vicinity. Why would you allow your heart to be twisted in knots over ONE who dumped you!?
How you go about doing this is a whole other blog post… or book! Suffice to say, at a high level there are essentially two things you need to do on a regular basis:
- Become the best version of yourself
- Put yourself in locations where your ideal prospects go
Iterate on these two things and you will have massively increased the surface area for chance encounters with attractive women to stick. Never allow yourself to be in a position where your only option is a woman who values you so little that she walked away.
but, what if she’s “the one”
Look, you know your situation better than I do. If you feel like everything I wrote above doesn’t apply in your case and you just want to know how to give yourself the best chance of getting your girl back, then watch the video at the link below.
Either way, I salute and wish you the best. God knows it’s not easy being a man in the cutthroat modern dating scene!
